Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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