Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
