He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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