I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize