So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its not stalking. its research.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
