her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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