True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
