sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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