My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
