I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
