I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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