You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
