There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
