My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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