Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
