How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
