I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
