u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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