he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
