1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
