I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
