anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
