It's like God shit irony all over that family
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
