she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
