I'm going to jail i love you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Â and "Why tacos?"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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