There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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