quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it glows. i had to have it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
as a side note pls kill me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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