; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
