it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
