Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
