If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its about making memories worth repressing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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