How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
