I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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