8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i out mim tonsoeep
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