I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
