I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
