My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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