I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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