i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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