you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
