Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
