taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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