whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize