"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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