can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i have two assholes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
