What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
