did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
