operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
