I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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