We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
