They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
