Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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