you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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