I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
