Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sponge bath it is.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
