Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
