I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
