alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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