I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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