Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
