Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
