Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
