Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize