what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
