i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize