I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
