My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
