Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
