is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
