i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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