I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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