We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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