we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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