the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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