I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
