This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
