the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
