she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When did angry sex become our thing?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
