That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
