when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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