You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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