Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
