he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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